Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
