i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my shit smells like andre
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
