i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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