grandma shit on top of the toilet
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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