he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
