If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
