The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
