So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
