i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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