I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
