Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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