I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
