I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
