So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
