you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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