So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
