Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
