i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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