the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
