we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
