i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
