I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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