Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
