why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
