I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
