nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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