The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
