I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
