if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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