he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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