so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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