Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
