i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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