she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
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