And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
