she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
