Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
there was a trapeze. enough said
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
