and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
