But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
