We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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