i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
