my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
