I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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