I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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