I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
