i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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