OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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