I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
