I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
