Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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