I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
