So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Naked Twister starts at high noon
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
